Pregnancy & Infant Loss · Mother's Day 2026

The Invisible Mothers:
You Longed. You Lost. You Loved.
You Are Still a Mum.

This Mother's Day, we name every mama who is grieving — whether the world sees her motherhood or not. Your love was real. Your loss is real. And so is your place on this day.

By Vernessa Chuah Pregnancy & Infant Loss Coach · Singapore May 2026

"Am I still a mother if my baby never came home?"

Every year, Mother's Day arrives with flowers, breakfast in bed, and a tide of social media tributes. And every year, for thousands of women in Singapore and across Southeast Asia, it arrives like a wave that knocks them off their feet.

Because not every mother's story looks the way the world expects it to. Some mothers have empty arms. Some have a name they whisper quietly. Some have a grief they have never found the words to explain — because what they lost did not fit neatly into any category the world has made room for.

This piece is for all of them. For all of you.

This Mother's Day, we see and honour every mama who —

Is longing for a baby, holding that hope with quiet courage
Has been through IVF after IVF, cycle after cycle, hope and heartbreak on repeat
Cannot conceive, and carries the grief of the family she imagined
Lost her baby to miscarriage — once, or more times than she can bear to count
Experienced recurrent pregnancy loss (RPL), grieving again and again
Had an ectopic pregnancy and lost her baby, and nearly herself too
Lost embryos in fertility treatment — those tiny lives that mattered
Had a chemical pregnancy — a loss so early the world may not have known
Had a blighted ovum — a pregnancy that grew without a baby inside
Had a molar pregnancy — a rare and deeply misunderstood loss
Experienced a vanishing twin — grieving one while hoping for the other
Carried a stillborn baby — a baby who was known, loved, and born into silence
Made an impossible decision through TFMR — termination for medical reasons — out of love
Chose reduction, carrying both grief and a love that had to make space
Lost her baby in the neonatal period — days or weeks that still hold a lifetime
Lost an infant — a baby who came home, and then was gone
Lost a child — a mother whose grief stretches across years
Is in the wait — between losses, between cycles, between hope and fear
Whose adoption fell through — a loss the world rarely names, but real just the same
Wants to be a mama, and is still finding her way there

1 in 4 pregnancies ends in loss. Behind that number are real women, real families, real babies who were wanted and loved. And yet so many of these losses happen in silence — without a name, without a ritual, without anyone saying: this counts. You count. Your grief counts.

Today, on a day that celebrates motherhood, I want to say it plainly: your motherhood does not require a living child to be real. It never did.

Pregnancy loss grief support — miscarriage, stillbirth, TFMR, IVF Singapore

You Are a Mother. Full Stop.

One of the most common questions I hear — quietly, often in the middle of the night — is whether a woman is "allowed" to call herself a mother. Whether a loss before birth counts. Whether a pregnancy too early to announce still deserves to be mourned. Whether loving an embryo, a baby, a child who died makes her a real mother.

The answer is yes. Without qualification. Without condition. Without needing anyone else's permission.

Motherhood begins with love, not with a birth certificate. It begins the moment you hoped, the moment you imagined, the moment your heart made room for someone who was not yet in the world. That love does not disappear because the outcome was not what you prayed for.

"Grief is the price of love. And you paid it in full."

Understanding the Many Forms of This Loss

Every loss on the list above is different. Every loss carries its own particular weight, its own silence, its own way of arriving on a day like today. Here is what each one deserves to have named:

Miscarriage

The most common form of pregnancy loss, and still one of the most minimised. Around 80% of miscarriages are caused by chromosomal abnormalities — not by anything you did or did not do. Your grief is proportionate to your love, not to the number of weeks.

Recurrent Pregnancy Loss

Two, three, four losses — each one its own grief, layered on the last. RPL carries not just bereavement but the particular anguish of hope reborn and broken again. You are not unlucky. You are not broken. You are grieving multiple times over.

Chemical Pregnancy

A pregnancy that was real — confirmed by a test, felt in your body, held in your heart — and then gone, often before the world knew it existed. The earliness of the loss does not diminish it. You saw those lines. You hoped.

Blighted Ovum

A pregnancy sac that formed without a baby developing inside. A loss that is often clinical and confusing — the body believing it was pregnant, the heart believing too. The grief is real even when the images showed only absence.

Molar Pregnancy

A rare and deeply misunderstood loss, where abnormal tissue grows instead of a baby. Often followed by months of monitoring, HCG testing, and a waiting period before trying again. The grief is compounded by isolation — few people have heard of this, and fewer still know how to hold space for it.

Ectopic Pregnancy

A pregnancy that implanted outside the uterus — a loss that often arrives with physical danger alongside grief. You may have lost a fallopian tube too. You survived something most people do not understand. Your loss deserves to be named.

Embryo Loss

For those who have been through IVF, each embryo is a possibility — and a loss. Failed transfers, embryos that did not survive thaw, embryos that did not implant. These losses are often invisible to the world, but they are felt deeply by the parents who made them with hope.

IVF Loss & Infertility

Cycle after cycle of injections, appointments, waiting, hoping — and sometimes, heartbreak. The grief of infertility and IVF loss is cumulative. It wears on the body, the relationship, the spirit. You are not failing. You are fighting, and grieving, and that is enough.

Vanishing Twin

You saw two heartbeats, or two sacs — and then one was gone. You are left holding grief for one baby while carrying hope for another. The world rarely makes space for this particular grief. It is real. Both of your babies were real.

Stillbirth

A baby fully formed, fully loved, born into silence. A birth certificate and a death certificate, sometimes on the same day. The grief of stillbirth carries the full weight of a life that was expected, planned for, and deeply wanted. There are no words adequate for this loss. There is only acknowledgement.

TFMR

Termination for medical reasons — choosing to end a pregnancy after a devastating diagnosis, out of love, not in spite of it. One of the most isolating losses because the choice itself is often misunderstood. Your grief does not need to be justified. Your love for your baby was never in question.

Reduction

The decision to reduce a multiple pregnancy, often for medical reasons, sometimes carrying grief for a baby lost in order to give another a chance. This is a loss that sits alongside extraordinary love and extraordinary complexity. You are not alone in carrying it.

Neonatal Loss

The death of a baby in the first 28 days of life. A baby who was born, held, named — and lost. The sharpest grief: having and not having, all at once. You are a mother who held her baby. That is not nothing. That is everything.

Infant Loss

The death of a baby beyond the newborn period. A baby who came home, who had a routine, who was known — and then gone. The grief of infant loss is profound and long, and it touches every part of a mother's life.

Child Loss

The death of a child at any age. A loss that reshapes identity, purpose, and every future moment. A grief with no expiry date. You are still their mother. You always will be.

Adoption Loss

When an adoption falls through — a child you had already loved in your heart, a family you had already imagined — the grief is real, even though the world may not have a name for it. You were already a mother in every way that mattered.

Infertility & Longing

The grief of wanting to be a mother and not yet — or perhaps never — knowing if it will happen. This is a grief that lives in the body, in the waiting, in every pregnancy announcement that is not yours. It is a loss even without a definitive end. It deserves to be held.

Grief support for bereaved mothers — pregnancy loss Singapore

Why Mother's Day Is So Hard — And Why That Is Normal

Grief does not follow a calendar. But the world does. And when the world dedicates an entire day to celebrating the role you were robbed of, or the child who should be there, grief tends to arrive with full force.

What makes Mother's Day particularly difficult is the layers of loss it activates at once:

The loss of your child, your pregnancy, your embryo, your hope
The loss of the motherhood you had imagined
The invisibility — the world celebrating what you cannot yet celebrate
The isolation — feeling like the only one grieving while everyone else rejoices
The comparison — especially painful when friends and family have living children
The uncertainty — not knowing if you are "allowed" to claim this day as yours
The ambiguity — for those still trying, still waiting, still hoping

If you are experiencing any of this, please know: this is a normal grief response to an abnormal amount of loss. Grief is not a disorder. It is love with nowhere to go. And on a day like today, it has every reason to surface.

1 in 4 pregnancies ends in loss. Singapore's Total Fertility Rate has fallen to a record low. Behind these numbers are thousands of families who tried, who hoped, who lost — and who are still navigating what comes next. Emotional recovery after pregnancy and infant loss directly affects a woman's readiness to try again. This is a public health matter. And it deserves to be treated as one.

What You Are Allowed to Feel This Mother's Day

So let me say plainly what you may have needed to hear for a long time:

You are allowed to grieve today, even if your loss was years ago
You are allowed to skip social media, or to post about your baby, or both
You are allowed to accept being celebrated as a mother — by yourself, or by others
You are allowed to feel angry, or numb, or devastated, or unexpectedly peaceful
You are allowed to honour your baby, your embryo, your longing — in any way that feels true
You are allowed to tell people this day is hard — and to ask for what you need
You are allowed to need support that goes deeper than a kind word

"You do not have to earn your grief, justify it, or perform your recovery for anyone."

Practical Ways to Hold This Day

There is no single right way to move through Mother's Day when you are bereaved or longing. But these are some things that many mothers find helpful — not to "get through" the day, but to meet it with intention and gentleness.

Name what you are carrying

Whatever your loss — give it a name today. Say your baby's name if you have one. Write down the date of your loss, the number of weeks, the cycle number, the due date that passed. Acknowledge what happened in whatever way feels true. The act of naming is one of the most powerful things grief asks of us.

Decide what you need from the day, in advance

Mother's Day rarely goes well when we move through it reactively. Before the day arrives: Do you want to be around people, or do you need quiet? Do you want to be acknowledged as a mother, and by whom? Is there an activity — a walk, a favourite meal, time in nature — that might feel nourishing? Give yourself permission to plan a day that is truly for you.

Set a boundary around social media

There is no obligation to scroll through an endless feed of Mother's Day posts if that is going to cause you pain. Mute keywords, take the day off the apps, or schedule something meaningful and then close the phone. Your wellbeing matters more than staying current.

Reach out, or give yourself permission to withdraw

Some bereaved mothers want company today. Others need solitude. Both are valid. If you want connection, reach out to someone who truly understands — another bereaved parent, a counsellor, a support circle. If you need to withdraw, communicate that clearly and give yourself full permission to do so without guilt.

Write a letter

One of the most healing practices in grief work is undelivered communication — the things we never got to say, or still want to say. Write a letter to your baby today. Or to your embryos. Or to the version of yourself who is still in the waiting. Not to perform grief, but to speak, from one heart to another, across whatever distance separates you.

Wildflowers — hope and healing after pregnancy loss

A Journal That Holds You

The Pregnancy Loss Journal by Vernessa Chuah is a guided journal created specifically for bereaved mothers — with prompts, space, and support to help you process what words alone cannot always reach. SGD $25, with free delivery in Singapore.

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The Silence Around Pregnancy Loss in Singapore

In Singapore, we are slowly beginning to have the conversation that bereaved parents have long needed. Members of Parliament have spoken publicly about their own miscarriage experiences and advocated for recovery leave and psychosocial support. CNA Lifestyle and The Straits Times have started publishing pieces that name this grief directly.

But awareness alone does not support a bereaved mother through Mother's Day. It does not sit with her when she is the only one at a family gathering without a child to celebrate. It does not help her understand why she cannot just "move on." It does not give her tools to work through the grief that has settled in her body as well as her mind.

This is why specialist support matters. Not because something is wrong with you — but because what you have been through is genuinely, profoundly difficult, and you deserve more than a pamphlet and a referral to a general counsellor.

I am Southeast Asia's first ICF-certified pregnancy and infant loss coach. I also carry my own lived experience of loss, including TFMR. In over 14 years of lived experience and supporting bereaved parents across Singapore, Malaysia, Indonesia, the Philippines and beyond, the most common thing I hear is: "I didn't know support like this existed."

It exists. And it is here for you.

Vernessa Chuah

Pregnancy & Infant Loss Coach · ICF Certified · Certified Advanced Grief Recovery Specialist · TRE® Practitioner
Southeast Asia's first specialist pregnancy loss coach. Over 14 years of lived experience and support for bereaved parents. Featured in CNA, The Straits Times, Sassy Mama, and Mediacorp.

vernessachuah.com

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A complimentary bi-monthly support circle for bereaved parents who have lost a baby to miscarriage, stillbirth, TFMR, ectopic pregnancy, IVF loss, molar pregnancy, neonatal loss, infant loss, or child loss. A gentle space to be seen, heard, and accompanied. No pressure, no agenda. Just space to grieve, and to breathe.

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When You're Ready for Deeper Support

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✦ ✦ ✦

To every invisible mother reading this today — the one who woke up not knowing how to get through the day, the one who has been dreading this week for a month, the one who has never told anyone the full truth of what she has been carrying:

You are seen here.

Your baby was real. Your embryo was real. Your longing was real. Your love was real. Your grief does not have an expiry date, and your identity as a mother was never conditional on the outcome.

This Mother's Day belongs to you too.

With love and deepest respect,
Vernessa Chuah