A Ritual of Remembering.
A gentle, guided pause for couples and families to honour their baby, grieve together and hold each other close.
- 2 hours
- Home, beach, park or online
- Not religion based
- Living children welcome
What is A Ritual of Remembering?
A Ritual of Remembering is a 2 hour, non-religious remembrance ritual, sometimes called a memorial ceremony, for couples and families who have experienced miscarriage, stillbirth, TFMR (termination for medical reasons), infant loss or IVF loss.
Guided by Vernessa Chuah, Singapore's first ICF certified pregnancy and infant loss coach, families move through somatic grounding, drawing, letter writing and candle lighting. We gather in the comfort of your home, at the beach or in a park in Singapore, or online for families overseas. It is a time set apart to acknowledge your child, honour your grief and support each other.
For every family carrying a little one in their hearts
- Couples looking for a remembrance ceremony after miscarriage, stillbirth, TFMR, infant loss or IVF loss
- Whether your loss was three weeks or many years ago
- Partners who are grieving differently and want to find their way back to each other
- Parents who never had a funeral, a goodbye, or the chance to see their baby
- Families who have experienced more than one loss
- Families with living children who want to include them gently
- Grandparents and loved ones who want to honour the baby alongside the parents
- Couples preparing to try again, or walking through a new pregnancy
- Families in Singapore, and overseas through online sessions
- Families of every belief, and those with none
What happens when grief is unprocessed?
Grief is something none of us can escape, yet most of us were never taught how to process it. So we push it down, keep busy, and stay strong for everyone else.
But grief that is not processed does not simply disappear. It waits, and it can quietly shape how we live, how we love and how we parent.
In everyday life
Tension held in the body, restless sleep, irritability or numbness, and waves of sadness that seem to come from nowhere. Partners may drift apart, each grieving alone.
When trying for a new pregnancy
Unprocessed loss can turn hope into fear. Every scan, every symptom, every milestone may be shadowed by worry, making it hard to fully connect with a new pregnancy.
In how we parent
Grief can surface as overprotectiveness, anxiety or emotional distance with living children. And children sense what is left unspoken, even when no one names it.
Moving forward, not moving on
Processing grief does not mean forgetting. It means making room for love and loss to live side by side, so you can move forward with your child held gently in your heart.
When grief is given space, joy is no longer something to feel guilty about. It becomes possible to laugh again, hope again and love again, while still remembering.
A space for what was missing.
Many pregnancy and infant losses pass without a funeral, a gathering or even a conversation. Families are often expected to quietly carry on. This ritual creates the space that was missing.
Acknowledge your child
As real, and as yours, whatever the length of the pregnancy or life, even when you did not have the chance to see your child. They exist. You feel it.
Honour your grief
As the natural expression of your love, not something to fix or hurry.
Turn toward each other
So partners and family members grieve together, rather than alone side by side.
Create a lasting place
For your child in your family's story, through the letter and keepsakes you take home.
This is not about closure or moving on. It is about carrying your child forward with love.
In a moment of crisis, your bond can become stronger.
Why we recommend couples do this together
Loss happens to both of you, yet it is so often grieved apart. One partner wants to talk, the other keeps busy. One cries, the other stays strong. Without meaning to, couples can begin to misread each other's grief as distance, or even as not caring.
And it is never too late to come back together. Whether your loss was recent or many years ago, the power of togetherness can still be found.
Both of your griefs are honoured
Partners, and especially fathers and non-birthing parents, are often asked "how is she?" and rarely "how are you?" Here, both of you are seen, and both of your losses are named.
You witness each other
Hearing your partner's letter, seeing their drawing, watching them light the candle. These moments reveal grief that words alone may never reach, and build deep empathy between you.
A shared memory, not separate ones
Instead of carrying two private stories of loss, you create one shared memory of honouring your child, something you can return to together on due dates and anniversaries.
Neither of you holds the other up alone
In a gently guided space, no one has to be the strong one. You can both soften, lean in, and find your way back to each other, with your child at the centre of your love.
This is why the ritual is powerful for couples: it turns a loss that could quietly pull you apart into a moment that draws you closer. In a moment of crisis, your bond can become stronger.
What makes this ritual so powerful
It gives the unseen a witness
Grief that is never acknowledged tends to stay frozen. When your loss is spoken, seen and held, it can begin to move.
Ritual reaches where words cannot
Drawing, writing and lighting a candle let feelings find form when talking alone feels impossible.
The body leads the way
Somatic grounding settles the nervous system, so you feel safe enough to soften without becoming overwhelmed.
It is shared
Couples often grieve differently. Moving through the same steps together offers a common language and real connection.
It is intentional
Choosing to set this time aside is itself an act of love. It says: you matter enough to pause for.
It leaves something to hold
Your letter, your journal and any keepsakes go home with you, so the remembering continues long after.
Little hearts grieve too.
Children feel loss even when they cannot name it. They notice the quiet, the tears, the empty space.
This ritual gives your living children a safe, gentle way in. Through drawing and simple ritual, they learn to process their thoughts and emotions, ask their questions, and see that grief is something a family can hold together. It is a skill they will carry for life.
When is the best time?
There is no wrong time. Many families come within the first three months of their loss, when grief is fresh. But love has no expiry date, and neither does grief.
Whether it has been three weeks or three years, if you and your partner wish to acknowledge your child and grieve together, this ritual is for you. When couples choose to turn toward each other in grief rather than away, the loss becomes something they carry together.
Moments families often choose
- Within the first weeks or months after the loss
- Your baby's due date or birthday
- The anniversary of your loss
- Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day, 15 October
- Before trying again, or during a new pregnancy
- Years later, when a loss was never acknowledged
What we will do together
Over two gentle hours, I guide you as a couple through simple, meaningful practices that help you slow down, feel, and honour your child side by side.
Nothing is rushed and nothing is forced. You are free to speak, to write, to cry, or simply to be. Each ritual is shaped around you, your story and your little one.
Grounding the body
Gentle breath and body awareness to help you both settle and feel safe enough to soften.
Creative expression
Drawing and writing to your child, gently guided with prompts, giving shape to the love, hopes and feelings that words alone may not hold.
Honouring your child
A quiet, meaningful moment of remembrance by candlelight, to honour the place your child holds in your hearts.
Turning toward each other
Space to share, listen and witness each other's grief, so you leave feeling more connected and supported.
Not religion based
This ritual draws on no particular faith or tradition. It is open to families of every belief, and to those with none. You are warmly welcome to bring a prayer, verse, song or cultural practice that holds meaning for you, and it will be woven in with care.
Where we gather
In the comfort of your home, at the beach or in a park in Singapore. Outdoors, the candle is lit in a lantern or jar so wind is no concern. For families living overseas, we gather online, wherever you are in the world.
What's included
A Ritual of Remembering
S$350
For 2 people · S$50 per additional person, no maximum. Grandparents, siblings and loved ones are all welcome.
- Pre-ritual call to prepare together
- 2 hour guided ritual at home, beach, park or online
- Pregnancy loss journal
- All drawing and letter writing materials
Optional keepsakes (pre-order)
- Handmade from scratch with love
- Pure soy wax
- Lead-free cotton wick
- Customised with your child's name
No name yet? An initial, a date or a symbol such as a star, heart or tiny footprint is just as meaningful. Some families choose to name their baby during the ritual. It is never expected.
When you are ready to go deeper
For some families, the ritual is a beginning. These optional programmes offer more support, at your own pace.
Couple TRE® Workshop
Grief is held not only in the heart but in the body. Tension Release Exercises (TRE®) gently help the body release the stress and tension that loss leaves behind, so you can both feel safe and grounded again.
Explore TRE® →Family Grief Recovery Method®
A structured, evidence-based programme for couples and families grieving together. Move through what was left unsaid and find a new way forward, side by side.
Explore the Grief Recovery Method® →- ICF Certified Coach
- Advanced Grief Recovery Specialist®
- TRE® Practitioner
- SE Asia's First Pregnancy Loss Coach
Held by Vernessa Chuah
Vernessa is Singapore's first ICF certified pregnancy and infant loss coach, an Advanced Grief Recovery Specialist® and a TRE® practitioner. With over 20 years in education across Canada, Australia, Malaysia and Singapore, she blends Eastern and Western approaches with deep warmth, so every family feels safe to grieve in their own way.
Know more about me →Frequently asked questions
No. The ritual is not based on any religion and is open to families of every belief, and to those with none. You are welcome to bring a prayer, verse, song or cultural practice that holds meaning for you.
There is no wrong time. Many families come within the first three months of their loss, but it is just as meaningful three years later. Due dates, anniversaries and 15 October are moments many families choose.
Grief that is not processed does not simply disappear. It can show up as tension in the body, restless sleep, numbness or distance between partners, fear when trying for a new pregnancy, and overprotectiveness or emotional distance with living children.
Couples often grieve differently and can drift apart without meaning to. Doing the ritual together honours both partners' grief, helps you witness and understand each other, and creates one shared memory of your child. In a moment of crisis, your bond can become stronger.
Yes. Many families search for a miscarriage ceremony, a stillbirth memorial ceremony, a TFMR ceremony, an IVF loss ceremony or an infant loss memorial ceremony. A Ritual of Remembering is exactly that: a gentle, non-religious remembrance ceremony to honour your baby together, held at home, at the beach or in a park in Singapore, or online.
Yes. For families living overseas, the ritual can be held online, guided gently step by step from wherever you are in the world.
Your child is just as real. You can use an initial, a date, a symbol or "Our Little One". Some families choose to name their baby during the ritual, but this is never expected.
Yes. Children feel loss even when they cannot name it. Drawing and gentle ritual help them learn to process their thoughts and emotions, ask their questions, and see that grief is something a family can hold together.
S$350 for 2 people, including a pre-ritual call, a pregnancy loss journal and all materials. Each additional person is S$50, with no maximum. A personalised soy wax candle (S$40) and an engraved keepsake box (S$30) are optional.
We gently get to know your family and your little one, talk through how you would like to be supported, and prepare any names or symbols for your keepsakes. The call is included in your package.
Take a gentle pause, together.
Whenever you are ready, I would be honoured to hold this space for your family, in Singapore or online. Reach out to begin with your pre-ritual call.